Softly, My Heart Calls
by Vaulter
Summary: Elena Gilbert, newest Vampire edition to Mystic Falls, is having difficulties adjusting to her new life. She has decided to make the best of it all and is moving on with Stefan Salvatore, but a certain blue eyed brother isn't going to let her go so easily, no matter how badly he wants to. Can she and her poor heart take it? New summary. S4. D/E
1. To Be, Or Not To Be

Hello all! Well, this happens to be my very first story here on fanfiction. This is going to be a Delena fanfic because, well, I love Delena! No hate please, I'm simply translating my love for the pairing into a story. Hope you all enjoy! Depending on how the story is recieved, I'll update it, mmkay? I already have chapter two in the works, so let me know what you all think!

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will own the Vampire Diaries, nor do I own the much beloved characters. This is simply my take on the upcoming season four since we have such a long hiatus.

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Chapter One: To Be, Or Not To Be

A swirling fog overwhelmed her every senses. She could not hear, she could not feel and

she could barely see. Her limbs felt like lead tightly bound by chains and then dropped into the sea. This is not what death was supposed to feel like. As far as she could tell, a thousand years had passed. Or had it been mere seconds? Time had no meaning, where ever she was. She did not know much concerning the actuality of death, but she was certain it was meant to be comforting, like an embrace into the end. Where was her mother, her father? Aunt Jenna was nowhere to be found in the mist. Nor were the numerous dead that she was acquainted with. She wasn't sure what she was expecting from death, but this certainly was not it.

She struggled against her bonds, tried to dispel the feeling of cotton stuffed into her ears and mouth. The only sensation she recognized was that of extreme discomfort. When she gave in to death's embrace, she did not feel like this. No, what she felt then was the cool recesses of peace and calm.

Slowly, the thick fog dissipated, to be replaced by cool darkness. And slowly, her limbs seemed to lighten. Though time still had no meaning, the muddled confusion was replaced with a slight regaining of her senses. First, the feeling was regained in her toes, then legs and so forth. A sterile scent crept into her nose, mixed with a pungent murky smell and an enticing odor she could not place. A distant whirring registered as a sound next, as well as the quiet inhale and exhale of breathing. Was she finally moving on? Would she be reunited with her family at last? Longing filled her conscious for the moment.

An aching filled her lungs, as though they cried for the air to move in and out once more. She ignored the desire to breathe. She no longer needed it. She was dead after all.

Sometime later, a throaty, hoarse gasping sound overwhelmed her ears. Her eyes flew open at the sound and her body brought itself upright. The gasping did not relent.

Elena realized the awful gulping sound was coming from her. Wait, it was impossible. She was dead. Wasn't she? Looking around the darkened room, metal tables and sharp objects not meant for any living human were placed neatly inside.

There was an intake of breath and Elena turned her head sharply to the right. Stefan. What? She was in a morgue. With Stefan watching her, bloodshot eyes and a painful expression etched into his brows. The last thing she remembered was giving into the darkness, surrounded by icy cold water. Dread, much like the icy water, weighted into her stomach. She didn't need to ask what happened, but she did anyway.

"What happened to me?" The horror was eminent in her shaking voice.

"Elena…" Stefan began, avoiding her fear filled eyes. Tears began to fill his and he fought to control the emotions in his voice.

"I wasn't fast enough…I—I tried to save you both, but I wasn't fast enough. I am so sorry. Elena—please know that I never wanted this for you, but…" Stefan cut himself off. Desperation filled his eyes when they met hers.

A deep intake of air.

"You're in transition."

A crushing weight fell onto her as the terrible suspicion was confirmed. She could feel her face crumple and felt the tears well in her eyes. This wasn't she wanted. Elena Gilbert wanted to live a full life. She wanted to go to college and meet a handsome young man with Southern charm and she wanted them to get married and move into a little yellow house surrounded by roses and honeysuckles and have messy little kids running around a big tree in her big backyard filled with toys.

That was never going to happen. Not now. Right now, she needed to make Stefan realize that she did not blame him for her death. _You should have kept driving forward. _An almost inaudible voice whispered. _This would not have happened if you didn't turn around._

She needed to put on a brave face and accept what the cards had dealt her.

"Stefan," Her voice cracked as her throat tightened with the tears. "This isn't your fault, okay?" Elena urged him to listen to her. "I _wanted _you to save Matt first. Do _not_ blame yourself for what happened to me."

Elena grabbed his shoulder and forced him to acknowledge her. All she got was a dip of his head and a stiffening of his shoulders. "Please, Stefan. Believe me on this. Don't burden yourself with the blame. It was my choice, after all." A weak and watery smile made its way onto her features, as though that could comfort him.

Stefan clenched his eyes shut and nodded fiercely. He willed himself to believe her words. He willed himself to feel the forgiving comfort Elena offered him. But in his heart of hearts, he knew that he did not deserve her forgiveness. He lost any right to her the moment he left with Klaus after ensuring Damon's life was no longer endangered. Yet she still freely gave it to her. With her soft brown eyes, wet with tears resulting from the future so wrongly ripped from her. A fresh barrage of sorrow wracked him. He gripped her hand with desperation.

Shouting interrupted the silent musings the two were sharing. An angry, brash voice collided with a softer, yet firm female voice. It was coming from the hall. Elena turned from Stefan to watch the double doors that were going to fly open at any time. Apprehension filled her. Only two people would make such a scene. Her brother, Jeremy, who would likely be a wreck over the fate of his sister. Rightly so. And the other, more likely person? Damon Salvatore. The man she had just given up. The man she had left to die alone. The man she had probably broken. Guilt, stronger than she had ever felt seemed to stab the entirety of her being and it was mixed with another emotion that had no right to exist. Regret.

She knew fully well that Damon would be furious with her. He would shout at her, calling her a martyr and a fool. His steel blue eyes would bore into hers and refuse to break contact and she would raise her chin and challenge him. Elena also knew that Damon would without a doubt rip into his brother for not saving her. Damon was so volatile that violence was imminent. It scared her.

Bang!

The doors flew open to reveal a dark figure who stormed in. His wild eyes flashed in fury and bypassed Elena to meet Stefan's suddenly cool green eyes.

_Damon!_ Her heart cried out. A heavy burden of worry lifted itself from her, evaporating and joy radiated from her chest as she recognized his form. He was not looking at her. He was targeting Stefan. The joy turned to fear as she noticed the postures of the men who stood facing each other, both seemingly unaware of the woman sitting on the metal table between them.

She could feel the hatred emanating off of the elder Salvatore.

"What the hell did you do, brother." Damon growled at Stefan. "I left you with one _simple_ task. Protect Elena. And you go off and screw that up?" The raven haired man strode forward until he was almost standing in front of the cold table.

His voice rose with every word. "She's dead, Stefan! And why? Because every chance she gets, she likes to offer herself as a human sacrifice! Because you have to bend to her _every single whim_ whenever she flutters her eyelashes!" Damon leaned forward to grip the table, which groaned underneath the strength of his fingers.

"You should have gotten her out of there first! Who cares about what she wants? She will always be the damn martyr! And it's our responsibility to make sure she _doesn't _run off and get herself killed."

"Damon, I know you're upset, but I had to respect Elena's wishes. She would never forgive me if I pulled her out before Matt. Don't you understand? At least she's still here!" Stefan fired back at his brother. White hot anger seeping into his voice.

"Oh I am far past upset, Stefan. I wouldn't have even considered what she was asking." His voice was lethally quiet.

Elena bristled angrily at Damon's free admittance to his brother. Did he not realize she was right in front of him? Obviously he didn't care.

Stefan let out a mocking and derisive laugh. "At least we know I'll always have her respect."

Elena thought that went too far. She knew he was only baiting Damon. He didn't truly mean it, did he?

If it were possible, the elder Salvatore's eyes hardened to flint. "That's the difference between you and me, brother. I will _always_ choose her. No matter the consequences. No matter who dies as a result."

Damon's eyes narrowed in loathing as he continued. "Better to have her hate me then dead."

The two brothers all but flew at each other. Their muscles were poised for action.

Elena had never seen Damon so unhinged. It scared her. It reminded her too much of who he was when he first arrived in Mystic Falls; a malevolent, vicious vampire who killed in cold blood for the fun of it.

They were seconds away from ripping each other's jugulars out. She had to intervene somehow.

"Damon, please" She begged him, stopping herself from reaching out to grip his forearm. "Don't blame Stefan. Blame me. I was the one who made him save Matt first. Please…" Her voice sounded pathetic from the crying and the damage done from drowning.

Damon's ice cold blue eyes met hers for the first time and softened with love for a fraction of a second before freezing over once more. "No, Elena. Saint Steffie here needs to learn a lesson about what happens when he lets _you _call the shots." His voice was rough with anger and a chill settled on her heart. "Starting with this." He grasped a scalpel and lodged it into Stefan's ribcage.

Stefan cried out and stumbled into the chair behind him. His breathing was labored as he extracted the blade.

"Damon!" Elena unsteadily flew off the table to reach Stefan just a few feet away from her. She turned to glare at the black haired man who was scowling, but somewhat calmer, she vaguely noted.

"Stop it! Both of you!" She helped the injured Salvatore up. "You need to stop fighting. What's done is done and there isn't anything we can do to change it, alright?" She was still scowling at Damon when her head started pounding furiously. She tried to shake it off, but it persisted, along with a dull burn that filled her throat.

"She's right Damon," Stefan remarked from behind her, tossing the blade to the ground. "We can resolve our issues about tonight later. But right now, we need to help Elena." Ever the voice of reason.

A tense silence followed before Damon relented. "Fine." He bit out. Elena nearly sighed in relief, knowing that at least for now, the brothers would not tear each other apart.

Gingerly, she began to wobble to the other side of the table so that she could reach the doors and leave the awful hospital. As she made it around the sharp corner she found herself hitting a wall. Strong, pale arms lifted her as though she weighed nothing and plonked her right back on the freezing metal. Her eyes met his and in them reflected worry, hurt and his utmost devotion to her. Her dead heart twisted and she forced her eyes shut to avoid them.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Damon's eyes flashed at her sternly. "You're not going anywhere until you drink some blood."

"What? I don't even know if I want to make the transition, Damon." Elena met his eyes stubbornly.

"Oh you are going to transition, Elena. I'm not letting you play martyr again. Not tonight." He growled and his eyes widened for effect, forcing her to sit down again when she struggled against his grip. "And don't forget, if you go out there like you want, you won't be able to resist all of the humans out there. Its win-win for Steffie and I on this one."

She craned her neck to look back at Stefan, begging for help. To Damon's delight, his younger brother did not move. Maybe they could be a team after all, even with his enormous screw up tonight,

Stefan sighed and shook his head. "Damon is right on this one Elena. You need to transition. Think about Jeremy. You can't leave him alone."

Damon smirked. "Yeah can't forget about little Cock Blocker Junior." His eyes did that thing that Elena couldn't stand. She scowled and forced her glare into the floor, her blood heated.

"I—I don't know what I want ." Elena snapped irritably.

They were right, of course, she just didn't want to admit it. If she didn't make the transition, Jeremy would lose the only family he had left. She knew that would destroy him. And she couldn't leave him. She couldn't leave any of them. Caroline, Bonnie, Stefan, Damon, Matt…

She gasped. "Matt!" She tore herself out of Damon's grip to face Stefan.

"Did he survive? Is he okay?" Her fear widened eyes implored an answer from the younger Salvatore who was about to answer when his older brother cut him off.

"Busboy is _fine, _Elena. Psycho Doc is taking care of him." If she was watching, she would have seen his eyes harden at the mention of the reason why Elena was in transition.

Relief washed over her, but it did not quell the fire that was building in her throat and the shattering pain that would soon overwhelm her head if she didn't decide soon.

The teenage girl did not know what she wanted. Were she to choose death, she would be abandoning the people she loved. She would be free from everything though, and she would be with her parents again. That thought alone was tempting enough for her to forget the others. But she couldn't. She could not so lightly abandon Jeremy. She couldn't abandon any of them, for that matter. Her eyes caught sight of Damon, and her stomach clenched. Looking away from him, ashamed, she contemplated the life she would be stuck with for eternity if she picked transition.

She would become a vampire and with that, she would be cursed to drink blood for eternity. She would gain immortality and she would have Stefan forever. She would also live with the guilt she harbored for Damon as well. Could she do that? Could she live happily with Stefan when Damon would always be around to remind her about how she broke his heart? Elena didn't know.

Her eyes closed and it only took an image of Jeremy to make her decision.

Elena looked directly into Damon's eyes. "Get me a blood bag."

End chapter One.

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Thanks for reading! Please review! I'd love feedback!


	2. Stolen Time

Well I figured that since I had chapter two finished, I might as well post it! Thank you for reading! And rememeber, I live off of reviews:)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries or its assets

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Chapter Two: Borrowed Time

Elena sat before the great fire place inside the Boarding House, a glass of blood held between her hands loosely. She gazed unseeingly into the dancing orange flames, fighting her urge to down the contents of the crystal glass. The only resistance she had towards drinking was the repulsive thought of consuming a bodily fluid of a living being. But even that was quickly fading in light of the glorious smell that wafted from the glass to her nose.

She also wished to be free of the inferno raging in her throat, and the incessant pounding of her head. Another painful sensation was added to the short list not but an hour past. Her gums itched something terrible.

A shift in the background told her she was not alone. One of the brothers, she guessed Stefan, was waiting tentatively for her to transition. The other stood stock still. Elena was certain that was Damon. She held in a sigh and blinked slowly. _Here goes nothing…_ she thought inwardly. As she straitened her posture, her hand began a halting ascent to her lips and stopped right before touching them. _You are doing this for Jeremy_. She repeated to herself. _He needs me. I would be an even bigger monster if I didn't transition. On the count of three. Alright. One…two…_

"Three…" She murmured and knocked back the liquid.

Words could not describe how wonderful the blood tasted and felt as it dripped down the back of her throat. It was ambrosia. No. It was far better. The blood seemed to cool the raging fire as it ran down her esophagus. She felt her head calm at last. Relief never felt better to Elena than in that moment. She felt her limbs warm, felt unimaginable strength flow into them. Her eye sight sharpened to unexplainable magnitudes, as well as her hearing and sense of smell.

The relief did not last long. As soon as the coolness in her throat arrived, it was replaced by another burn. Not as strong as before, but still overwhelming. The itching in her gums persisted and grew until two fangs tore through them. Her hand flew to her mouth and covered it. She gasped in pain and shock and then tentatively felt below her eyes, were her fingers glanced over rippling black veins.

"I'm a monster…" Elena whispered. She felt a large hand rest on her shoulder.

"I'll help you, Elena…whatever I can do. I'll help you through this. I promise you that." Stefan helped Elena to her feet and earnestly murmured to her. His arms reached out for her and she unthinkingly entered into his embrace, sick to her stomach for what she had become.

Her eyes sought out Damon, who stood next to his prized liquor cart, watching her with a complex mix of emotions. Longing, grief, anger, relief, love. Blue met brown and a half-hearted smirk that appeared a lot more like a grimace passed on Damon's face.

A blank mask melted into place over his eyes after a fraction of a second worth of contact and he strode out of the room and into the night, drink filled to the rim with his trusty bourbon.

Elena's face fell momentarily, and her heart broke a little, though she would not admit that to herself. She wanted Damon in here with her, giving her comfort and advice. Instead he stormed away. To the bar, no doubt.

_Why do you want him here, though? You chose Stefan, didn't you, _the nastier part of her snipped.

_Because he's my friend and I want him here with me, _she reasoned with herself. _I love Stefan, anyway._

_Sure... _sounded a sarcastic with that, the voice faded into her subconscious.

She tightened her grip around her love and held him there, numb with the shock of everything in the past twenty four hours. She had still not seen Jeremy. According to Stefan, he went beserk after realizing Elena had died and raged to the hospital. He was such a wreck that Dr. Fell had to sedate him in order not to hurt himself and others surrounding him. Caroline, who wasn't in an emotionally stable state either, hardly held herself together as she carried him back home. She was staying with him until he woke up so she could explain what happened. If Elena was able, she would see him soon. Her heart ached with the pain that she had caused him. He had no one, and now he would never trust her in the same way. She was a monster. Who could blame him? Certainly not she.

Bonnie was nowhere to be found. Elena was certain that their already broken friendship would be over once Bonnie learned what had happened to her best friend. Bonnie would hate her. They were enemies according to their races now.

And Damon? She had broken him for the last time. Elena smashed his wounded heart ruthlessly. He could have died tonight and she left him alone with no comfort. With no one to ease his passing. He deserved more than that, she realized. He deserved to have someone who loved him—_cared_—she corrected herself, to be by his side and all she afforded him was a short phone call and a desperate maybe. Elena knew that she owed him a real explanation. She just didn't know how to go about it. The guilt and sorrow stung her. And the regret, oh the regret was particularly astounding. Of all the emotions that tugged for dominance, the regret she felt for Damon was closest to winning out.

The heartbreak struck her down like a lightning bolt and her knees gave. Is this what they meant by saying that emotions were incredibly heightened? If so, she wanted to turn it off.

Uncontrollable sobs wracked her frame as everything settled in her mind. The weight of her transition and its consequences smacked her with finality. She felt like she was going to explode. She wanted to die—to erase her existence entirely from the planet so that the painful emotions would end.

The only thing that prevented her from going mad with grief was Stefan's hold on her, and his soothing words that she could not comprehend. He moved them to the sofa and rocked her into oblivion. The last thing she remembered was dully noting how the front of Stefan's shirt was soaked in her tears…

_She was a sophomore again, in a parking lot on the phone with her best friend. _

"_Your mom is a smart woman, Elena. I would listen to her on this one." Bonnie's soft voice advised her through the phone. Elena sighed._

"_I know Bonnie, you're right…" she admitted as she kicked at a small rock on the ground, watching it clatter for five or so feet before stopping. "You and my mom both are, I just can't bring myself to tell him." Her arm was wrapped around her middle to stifle the guilt that bubbled uncomfortably because of her situation. Elena paused, waiting for Bonnie's response shortly before finishing. "At least not tonight…" It would not be fair to Matt. She needed to gradually do it, right? But then her mother told her the exact opposite. Ugh, she didn't know._

_With her mind so muddled, she figured she would give it more thought in the morning. She would consult Bonnie then, too. "I'll call you later," she finished the conversation with a press of the end button and looked glumly at the screen. Boyfriends suck. She was barely sixteen, and living the ultimate high school experience. Shouldn't she be more excited? Matt was a great football player, after all and she was on the cheerleading squad. Match made in heaven…right? 'I guess it's just too cliché for me.' Elena concluded. _

_She fiddled with her phone, trying to distract herself while she awaited her parent's car on the side of the highway._

"_Katherine…" The husky voice nearly made her drop her phone, but she swiftly recovered and looked up, heart pounding._

_She met the eyes of the most shocking blue she had ever seen—bluer than Matt's—but her face betrayed her apprehension at the stranger's sudden appearance and shifted backwards slightly so she could make a quick getaway back to the bon fire. _

_But she stopped, instead watching his face warily as it turned from delight to confusion. Elena always had an eye for handsome men, she believed, and he was by far the best looking guy she ever had the privilege of meeting. Raven hair splayed over his ivory forehead. Stunning eyes were set in a chiseled face. Thank goodness for the darkness, or else he would see the blooming red spreading on her cheeks._

'_Come on Elena, find your voice! Talk to the hot stranger who might possibly be a serial killer. I wouldn't mind being killed by him though… Snap out of it! Don't think like that, he probably has car troubles or something? Okay, okay, say something…now!' She forced her voice to work, only being slightly betrayed by the short "um"._

"_No, I'm Elena…" Her head turned on its own accord to spot others nearby if she needed help. As she did so, she vaguely wondered who Katherine was. _

_The gorgeous stranger suddenly looked crestfallen, his brow crinkling and his eyes blinking. The man slightly shook his head. "Oh…"the ice blue orbs narrowed in confusion, his mouth puckered, and he cocked his head. Elena thought he looked adorable in such a state. She was suddenly worried he would leave because he mistook her for someone he knew. She didn't want him to leave. Not at all, and she couldn't explain her sudden attraction to the strange man in any accord._

_He spoke again. "You just look…" the man sighed and shook his head with finality before completely regaining his composure._

"_I'm sorry" his hands rose slightly and dark eyebrows lowered as he moved toward her. "You just really remind me of someone." A light smirk graced his lips and Elena's heart fluttered._

_She relaxed for some reason. The stranger, whoever he was seemed friendly enough. He could keep her company until her parents arrived._

_The man faced her, watching her with strange eyes. "I'm Damon." He finally finished. _

'_Damon' Elena thought, she liked it. But she had to sass him like any sophomore girl would do to a handsome guy. _

_She played it cool, dropping her arms. "Not to be rude or anything Damon, but it's kinda creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere."_

"_You're one to talk." Damon quipped. "You're out here all by yourself." His black eyebrow rose and he smirked an insufferable little grin. _

_Elena shrugged her shoulders. "It's Mystic Falls, nothing bad ever happens here." Seriously, did he even know where he was? Boredomville, USA._

_But instead, his smirk only grew larger, as if he thought it was some sort of joke. _

_An awkward silence settled over the pair and she glanced at her phone. She didn't want this Damon to go, so she said the first thing that popped into her mind._

"_I got into a fight with my boyfriend…" Elena mentally face palmed herself. Smooth one, girl. Like Damon is really going to care about high school drama. _

"_About what?" then, as if he thought he were being too forward, lifted his arms in surrender "…may I ask?"_

_Elena shook her head, why was she so intrigued by this man she met not five minutes ago? If she were any normal girl, she would have hightailed it back to the fire and waited for her parents there. "About life," her voice surprised her. "…future. He's got it all mapped out." Brown eyes rolled in frustration._

_Damon frowned knowingly. "You don't want it?" he concluded. _

_She pursed her lips and shrugged once more. "I don't know what I want." _

_He didn't buy it and his face showed it. "Well that's not true." Damon's eyes were skeptical as they focused on Elena's. "You want what everybody wants." As if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

_It was Elena's turn to smirk. She really liked this guy, he was blunt. Her head tilted and a grin formed. "What? A mysterious stranger who has all the answers?" Just a touch of flirt._

_Damon looked away and' hmphed' in amusement. "Let's just say that I've been around a long time." He winked a little and her stomach twisted in pleasure. "I've learned a few things" his voice was full of untold humor and he bunched his lips to reveal a touch of arrogance. _

_Elena decided to play along with Damon and his unbounded wisdom. _

"_So, Damon," she began, "Tell me, what is it that I want?" She swayed innocently and watched him through her lashes._

_His arrogant smirk dropped, replaced by something serious. Damon began walking towards her._

"_You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure and even a little danger." He stopped just over a foot away. Elena wanted him closer. Her heart raced when he grinned at her, eyes flashing seductively. _

_Her big mouth had to break the spell. _

"_So what do you want?" _

_Damon blinked and exhaled loudly, thinking about what he wanted. _

_Two quick honks sounded and she turned away unwillingly to watch her parents drive up in their silver car._

"_It's my parents." Elena turned back to say goodbye to her handsome stranger, wanting to ask if she'd see him again. Instead, she found him inches from her face, his blue eyes capturing her brown ones in a trance._

_She couldn't do anything but stare into his orbs and listen to him._

_His voice was gentle when he spoke to her. "I want you to get everything you're looking for…but right now, I want you to forget this happened. Can't have people knowing I'm in town yet." How quickly she had grown to love that smirk. _

_Damon looked reluctant and Elena wanted to dispel it, but all she could do was watch him._

"_Goodnight, Elena."_

_The last thing she remembered was ending her call with Bonnie before getting into her parents car._

Such a vivid dream, but as it ended, Elena felt the tug of another one pulling on her subconscious.

_She was leaving her bathroom and thumping her way towards her bed when she heard his smug voice._

"_Cute PJ's". Damon. Elena bristled with annoyance. He always pushed her to the edge. What with his snide, snarky comments and his volatile temperament. The object of her annoyance was sitting in her window seat, and smirked strangely at her before averting his eyes to the floor._

'_Well he's sure acting strange' Elena grumbled mentally. _

"_I'm tired, Damon." She brusquely said and looked away from him._

_The handsome vampire stood and moved to her, revealing her vervain necklace and holding on front of her. "I brought you this." He seemed unaffected by her annoyance and smiled strangely again._

_She felt her eyes widen and realized her shock at his gift. "I thought that was gone…"_

_Damon simply shook his head and did his little eye thing that muddled Elena's mind consistently. _

_She smiled. "Thank you," and reached for the protective piece of jewelry. Worry blossomed in her stomach when Damon pulled it out of her reach._

_She knew it was plain on her face. "Please give it back." She warned him._

_Softly, his voice spoke to her again. "I just have to say something…"_

_Elena shook her head and backed away slightly. "What do you have to say without my necklace?" she asked him._

_The vampire stopped and knit his brows together, thinking of how he could make a total selfish dick of himself without _completely _making a total selfish dick out of himself. _

"_Well," he attempted, "because what I'm about to say is…" a look of guilt intermingled with determination crossed his face. "The most selfish thing I've ever said in my life." Damon's voice cracked with unexpressed emotion. _

_Elena took in a breath to stop him, realizing fully what he was about to tell her without the necklace. 'And,' she realized, 'he would make her forget it after.' She needed to stop him before it was too late. "Damon, don't go there." Her voice whispered, willing him to stop._

_He came closer instead, trying to defend his selfish quest. _

"_No, I just have to say it once." He lifted his hands to calm her. "You just need to hear it." Damon was well into her personal space and it made her flush uncomfortably. But she didn't move away. He had entranced her, and as much as she would deny it, their closeness thrilled her. _

_The ice blue eyes bore into hers, intently watching her expression. Then came the bomb she expected, but had no way of being prepared for._

"_I love you, Elena." The blue depths revealed the deep love and vulnerability he was allowing her to witness. It took her breath away to see the intensity of the raw emotions._

_Damon continued, unaware of Elena's internal dilemma. "And it is because I love you, that I can't be selfish with you…" His voice took on a tone of realization himself, as though he too was acknowledging that he had no right to confess to her._

"_Why you can't know this? I don't deserve you…but my brother does." It broke her heart to see Damon, strong, apathetic Damon, look so wounded and vulnerable. _

_Her breath caught as the man took a step closer and tenderly laid a kiss on her forehead. Elena felt her heart stutter and she was filled with immense guilt at the joy that simple contact brought her. But she knew it wouldn't last. She knew what would come next. _

_When she next looked into Damon's eyes, she saw tears welling in them and it shattered her heart. _

_He tucked her hair behind her ear and continued, "God I wish you didn't have to forget this. But you do." She had never heard him sound so broken before._

_As he compelled her to forget, a lone tear escaped from his crystalline eyes and Elena wanted nothing more than to brush it away for him. She couldn't. Instead, she blinked hard._

_Elena didn't understand why her heart was racing, or why she felt like a part of her heart had been ripped away…_

Compulsion wears away once a person has been turned. The thought rammed her as she woke up alone in one of the guest rooms of the Boarding House.

The realization infuriated her. Damon Salvatore _compelled _her. He made her forget two things that very easily could have altered their history. How dare he? How dare he take those from her!

At the same time though, he mind buzzed. _I met him first. I knew Damon before Stefan. _This was underscored by her disgust at Damon for making her forget.

Well, she was going to find that devil and let him have it. She was going to scream and yell and demand answers. Elena's blood was boiling and she felt the hideous black veins crawl under her eyes. She was so angry, she felt like she could rip something…someone in half. The image disgusted her.

It was just past dawn. That meant that if Damon wasn't around, and she certainly didn't hear any sign of him, she would have to let her temper simmer all day until he returned. She could rehearse exactly what to say to him. She knew that her anger would only grow as he made her wait.

There was Hell to pay. Elena growled, something she found a feral pleasure in. An old adage crossed her mind.

_Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. _

As her rage built, she soon was unable to differentiate her anger at Damon for compelling her, or because she had been stripped of her chance to love him first.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Now click that purple little button and tell me what you think:)


	3. Cold As Stone

Chapter Three: Cold As Stone

Note: Just a quick little explanation. So I decided to write this because of all of the little spoilers floating around on the web, whether they turn out to be true or not! So the story is pretty much going to follow what we have heard thus far through Julie Plec and the other cast members. Just remember, most of what they say is speculation! Ya know, since we have to wait until October anyway, why not speculate? Thank you so much for the reviews and the alerts, I really appreciate it :)

So some of my chapters will have a little song theme that will be used as the title. For example, chapter three is sort of inspired by Lady Antebellum's song "Cold As Stone" because Elena hates the overwhelming emotions that come with being a vampire and wants them to go away. If there are any more song inspired chapters (which there will be) I'll let you know how and why it inspired me!

Oh and also, finally some Delena interaction :) whoot whoot! So without further ado, I introduce chapter three.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries.

A note lay crumpled next to a Samsung box on the floor in Stefan's room. Elena paced agitatedly, occasionally glaring at the lone scrap. Apparently Stefan left early that morning to go find Bonnie. Elena needed a daylight ring and the witch had all but vanished from the face of the earth. In the aged parchment, he explained that he would be back sometime in the afternoon and to take it easy until then. She rolled her eyes and reminded herself that he had had the decency to leave her with a new cell phone.

Yet she still couldn't help but read between the lines of the note: no leaving the house and no letting anyone in. She felt as though she was a child again, being told what she couldn't do. The fact annoyed her to no end. She wasn't stupid. She knew what danger she posed to humans now.

Stefan and Damon had spoken on rare occasion of how impossible it was to control the bloodlust as a newborn vampire. They never really divulged into detail, but she could see it on their eyes and the way they held their mouths in disgust. How many had died at the lack of control?

Still, just the fact that Stefan had told her she couldn't do anything nearly sent her over the edge. It must be the heightened emotions clawing their way out. How was she going to manage her hyper sensitive feelings? She was so even keel as a human that it scared her to feel so passionately and strongly about anything. She just wanted to turn it off, but her conscience wouldn't let her. Turning the emotions off was far worse than allowing them to overwhelm her. The memory of Stefan losing his humanity terrified her still. His cold, heartless eyes were what prevented her from flipping the switch.

Her overly agitated state was also due to the impending temper tantrum Damon would soon solely witness. The vampire was going to regret ever erasing her memories. He deserved to see every single level of crazy anger Elena now possessed. Her gut roiled boiling hot and her eyes flew to the clock. A frustrated moan was followed up by a thud onto a soft feather duvet. It was only eleven twenty eight.

That meant that Stefan would be arriving home in roughly four hours. Damon was completely MIA and was not likely to show up while there was still bourbon in stock at any bar for a fifty mile radius. _He's going to bleed those bars dry,_ Elena guessed with a scoff

. She couldn't help but suspect that he was on his drinking binge on order to avoid her. Her muscles tensed while the anger flooded her once more. If she knew anything about Damon, it was that he could act very childish at times. He was immature and selfish. Not to mention he was a complete jackass. Oh, and a total—

Her new phone lit up and beeped.

She flew to it with unnatural speed and nearly skidded past it. It was a message from Caroline. Elena gulped. It must be news about Jeremy. He hadn't been allowed over this morning. Stefan didn't want her around him until he was certain she wouldn't rip into his neck.

_Hey 'Lena, change of plans. Stefan is watching Jeremy. I'm coming over to see you. Be there soon:)_

This was code for 'Elena, Stefan is worried you'll go on a murderous rampage and can't be with you at the moment so he's sending me to guard you.' Though she prickled in agitation, Elena understood Stefan's concern. She was dangerous and no one knew how she would handle herself. _She_ didn't even know what to expect. The fact that it was Caroline coming over was a bright blip on her radar of darkness. Caroline always knew how to cheer her up, and Elena was positive that she herself would cheer up her blonde friend as well.

Maybe it would be nice to have a friend who understood what she was going through. It would be good to spend time with her, no matter how black the mood was. Elena needed a respite from the blistering enmity for Damon that had ingrained itself into her.

She inhaled deeply to calm herself, and rather than find the calm, she was bulldozed by the intense need to drink. Her throat felt as though all the moisture had been baked away as a result of the air that rushed past. As much as she endeavored to keep the bloodlust from her mind, it took center stage nearly as much as Damon did.

The only reason why Elena had not already torn her way into every single blood bag in the basement cooler was because she had been so fixated on formulating exactly what she would say to Damon. Now that she had rehearsed and rehearsed that, and she had decided to take a break, her need for blood rampaged her with the force of a hurricane.

How on earth did her vampire friends live as though the urge to drink didn't affect them? It seemed a frustratingly impossible task to attempt, much less accomplish.

_I'm never going to survive this life…_ Elena thought miserably, clutching a pillow to her middle. What if she ended up a ripper? Like Stefan? He had been doomed to deprivation and relapse for the past one hundred and fifty years. Elena knew he was always in some state of misery and she did not want that.

She sat up and her eyes wandered around his museum of a room, stopping on a shelf where Stefan's journals were arranged. Could it be possible to resolve to build up control this early after transition? Could she do it? She had to if she wanted to continue a semi-normal existence.

Besides, she was determined to never take blood from a living human. Of that, she was certain. Feeding off of animals would only lead her down the path Stefan was struggling to get off of. She knew that it would take her to an extreme she never wanted to enter into, should she fall off the wagon.

Blood bags were the only feasible alternative.

It only seemed fit to try. Elena could hear the hum of the blood cooler two stories below. She lifted herself to a standing position, wondering if she was making the right choice.

Strengthening her resolve, she emphasized to herself that this would be the only way she could live in a human world.

Elena began the decent from Stefan's room to the creepy basement. She had to grip the smooth, dark wooden railing to prevent from vamp speeding down. Instead, she made her eyes roam the corridors. Dusty curtains and rich oriental rugs covered the surfaces, accented with large armoires, bookcases and cabinets filled with random artifacts. With her new eyes, the dust seemed magnified and thicker. The Salvatore brothers needed to give a vast amount of their objects a good dusting.

One blood bag. She would only allow herself one.

Elena Gilbert stood inside of a junk filled room, facing the rectangle cooler with untold desire and a hint of apprehension. Again, she forced her feet to move slowly and measuredly. She was proud of herself for controlling the lust enough to walk rather than sprint to the cache of liquid gold her companions lived off of. That had to count for something.

The chilled cover now rested under her palm. She needed to focus. One bag.

Lifting the cover felt like a century to Elena, but at last the bags were in her sight and though she fought to keep the rapier-like fangs from descending, they tore out of her gums. Her throat seemed to reach a new record of blistering temperature and her belly roared, starved of nutrients.

Lightning quick, her hand grasped a bag and she all but tore it to shreds as she greedily sucked the blood down. In seconds, the first bag lay drained of its contents.

Elena tried to stop, struggled to, but as the second bag touched her lips, all control went out the window. The blood cooled her throat, yet it did not satiate the thirst. She wanted more; _needed_ more. A whimper escaped her once she licked out the dregs.

She never felt so alive. The blood vitalized her every sense and energized her limbs. She felt as though she could race around the world several times, pummel a skyscraper to smithereens.

Elena was just about to consume her third bag when the door slammed shut somewhere above.

It snapped her out of the blood craze, but only because it sent her heart racing.

She froze and tore her hand from the blood bag inches away from her lips, disgusted at her inability to control the lust. The back of her hand wiped the gore from her lips and she crept to the stairway of the basement.

It had to be Caroline coming to play watchman. Elena hoped Caroline wouldn't overwhelm her like the mother hen she was.

She finished her ascent to the first floor and strode to the den, preparing herself for the blonde vampire's antics when she stopped dead in her tracks.

Standing back first at the liquor cart looking as dashing as always was Damon Salvatore, swirling bourbon around in a crystal tumbler.

Her face formed into a scowl and she felt every muscle tighten as though she was about to pounce. The recessing rage reappeared full force, something she gladly welcomed. The lines that she had so carefully crafted rehearsed once more in her mind and she found her legs pumping her towards Damon's back.

He must have heard her coming because he whirled around, spilling some of his drink as he went to face her.

Though he was clearly drunk, his eyes were clear enough. In them she saw his pain, at his abandonment by her, and her transition.

The grief in his eyes struck Elena so that she stopped dead in her tracks. His pain was hers.

Suddenly, she couldn't remember the angry words singing in her mind, couldn't remember why she was so angry. The blue orbs muddled her so that she hardly could think at all. All she wanted to do at that moment was pull him into an embrace that would surely erase their hurt.

_You left me, _those eyes spoke, _you left me to die and went to your own death as well. _The spell did not last long. A hard mask took place of the vulnerability and his face took on a mocking shape.

"Thought you and St. Stefan would be out massacring the bunnies and squirrels by now." His voice rang out.

"I'm not interested in starving myself for the rest of eternity," she found herself replying with a calm voice.

Damon merely scoffed and took a swig out of the glass.

Elena lifted her chin and folded her arms, taking on a confrontational stance.

"Why?" She simply asked. Her eyes bored into his.

The blue eyes narrowed a fraction and one black brow rose. "Why, what?"

The brunette exhaled angrily and shifted, "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Damon. You _knew _this would be coming the moment I woke up in transition. Why did you make me forget you? Why did you take my memories? Why would you do that to me?"

Damon set his drink down and stepped toward her. "Let me get one thing straight with you, _Elena_." His eyes flashed as he got uncomfortably close to her. "Do not think that for one _second_ that it would have changed anything. You would have picked Stefan regardless of whether or not you had the memories. I just made it a whole lot simpler for you."

She tried to fire back with her argument but he wouldn't allow it.

The dark haired vampire continued, "Do you really think that if you knew you met me first that it would have somehow magically altered the past two years? Or if I hadn't compelled you to forget my little secret, you would have jumped into my arms, forgetting about all the shit I've put you through?" Damon laughed bitterly as a man who had given up. "By then, you were so besotted by my brother that I was doing you a favor."

"No."

Damon's eyebrows bunched together, "What do you mean 'no'? Don't fool yourself, I know you Elena. I know exactly what you want." She flinched at the acidity in his tone.

This wasn't how the conversation she had planned was meant to go.

"You said I wanted a love that consumes me." Her voice was quiet and she looked away from him, her anger dissipated momentarily.

"That was a long time ago, Elena. Things change," he simply replied.

_Has that _really_ changed though? _That pesky voice plagued her again. It mocked her.

What was she doing? Wasn't she supposed to be yelling at him?

The fire entered into her eyes again, "Those were my memories, Damon. You shouldn't have taken them! You had no right!" She hated it, but tears prickled the corners of her eyes.

"I needed them…" her broken voice whispered. So much for angry…

Damon sucked in a breath, eyes lighting with hope before he quelled it. His shaggy black hair shook with him. "No," he seethed, "I don't buy it."

"I don't buy that you suddenly had a change of heart. You're just an emotional wreck right now. You came in here to yell at me, didn't you? And look at you…you're a mess," he was scornful, skeptical of anything that had come from her mouth.

Elena fumed at his comment. How dare he say that! "I love Stefan, Damon. That isn't going to change. I'm mad because you're a selfish jack ass and stole my memories! All you do is—"

He was in front of her so quickly that she hardly saw it. Damon looked like the devil himself at that moment and Elena shuddered in fear.

"Don't. You. Dare. Call me selfish." His voice was deadly. "If there is anything I am _not _where it concerns you, it is selfish."

"What about all those times you picked me over my friends_?_" She couldn't help but challenge, feeling satisfied when he seemed unable to answer.

"That's different. I will always protect you first."

"Oh? How the hell does that differ from you taking those memories, Damon? You did it to protect yourself!" She was edging closer. "You did it to protect your heart from any more damage." _Now _she knew she went too far. The vampire's ice cold eyes flashed wildly and he grabbed Elena's arms.

He pulled her close to him, voice quiet and bitter cold, "I took the first for my own reasons, and second memory so you could continue on with your 'rainbows and unicorns' relationship with Stefan without worrying about me getting in the way of it."

They both stared defiantly in the eye, daring the other to yell, to react. It seemed as though their minds had frozen.

His eyes held all the intensity they held before, but the hard anger had softened to be replaced with a look he reserved only for her. Elena shivered

Electricity surged between them, consuming Elena completely. She was filled with the desire to touch him, whether in anger or not, her mind could not discern.

He felt it too; Damon's eyes drifted to her lips and seemed to lean closer to Elena.

The door opened and the two flew apart from each other, Elena to the couch and Damon back to his drink.

"Elena? Where are you?" Caroline called from the entrance, her heels clicking closer to the den where Damon and she avoided the other's gaze.

Elena cleared her throat with a small cough. "In here, Caroline," she called with a voice that sounded much more steady than she felt.

The clicking stopped as Caroline entered into the room, looking back and forth between the two stiff vampires. "What's going on with you two? Another fight?" She guessed.

Silence.

Damon was the first to recover. He took another swig from the tumbler, "Something like that." Finishing the drink, he headed to the door and picked up his leather jacket. Without turning he said, "I'm going to a bar."

Caroline shot him a look and then turned her gaze to Elena. "What is _his _problem?"

Elena let out a shuddering sigh and shook her head; she didn't really want to talk about it, but traitorous tears formed. She hated how emotional she was. It was like PMS on steroids times a thousand fold.

"Elena…" Her friend sighed. It was only then when Elena took in Caroline's appearance. Dark circles formed bruises under her eyes, smudged mascara only darkened them. Her eyes looked lifeless and bloodshot. The girl put on the strong front of being okay, but Elena knew better. She was positively haggard and miserable looking.

Elena was being selfish. Her friend had just lost someone she loved dearly and here she was crying over Damon, who was a dick, but very much living. Caroline needed someone to comfort her right now…

"Care…how—how are you doing?" Elena hesitatingly asked. She stood up from her seat and walked to where the blonde vampire held herself together.

Caroline sniffed and her lip trembled while avoiding Elena's concerned gaze. "I'm fine!" Her voice was high and shook.

Elena's intuition worked a whole lot better than that, so she surprised Caroline with a tight hug.

Caroline stiffened at the contact before she began shaking and sobbed into her friends shoulder. "He's gone, Elena…Tyler is gone and it hurts, it hurts so much that I can't handle it." Her face was streaked in mascara stained tears. "I—I don't know what to do anymore."

"Make it stop hurting," her weak plea cut Elena to the core.

"Oh, Care…" Elena held on tighter. "Come on, let's sit you down and we'll talk about it, okay?"

Caroline hiccoughed and nodded, allowing herself to be guided to the soft sofa.

Elena didn't know how long they sat on the couch; all she could do was console her friend, murmuring words of comfort she knew would do little to take the edge of grief off. Her fight with Damon continued a constant replay in her mind's eye.

For what seemed like hours Caroline wept, eventually however, she calmed to a sniffle.

Once Elena deemed Caroline was stable enough to speak again, she asked about Jeremy.

"He's…well, he's holding up best her can with this, 'Lena." Caroline finally sighed, watching the floor. "He isn't happy that he hasn't been allowed to see you yet, and with Alaric dying too, it's just really hard on him, you know?" Her blood shot eyes glanced apprehensively at Elena before continuing. "He feels like he's lost the rest of his family, though he wouldn't admit it…and he blames himself for your death because he claims that the idea to get you out of Mystic Falls was his."

Elena felt like her heart had been torn from her chest. Jeremy. He really feels like he has no one? Well, it was true in a sense, she had died after all. But what pained her most was the fact that he blamed himself for her death under Wickery Bridge. It wasn't his fault. He had to know that. She needed to tell him that now. Elena stood up, and then remembered she had no control over the insane urge to drain humans dry. He would be dead before five minutes passed. Besides, she had no daylight ring. The moment her skin made contact with the golden afternoon light outside she would fry to a crisp.

Reluctantly, she sat down again. Caroline watched her empathetically, she knew how Elena felt. Transition was no easy task. At least she was getting help immediately though. Caroline was alone for the first few days and that was more miserable than she liked to remember.

"He needs to know, Caroline. I need to talk to him," Elena miserably expressed, resting her face in her palms. "I need to see him…"

Caroline rubbed Elena's back, "I know, trust me, I know."

An idea occurred to her. "Maybe when Stefan gets back you can call Jeremy? I'm sure he would appreciate it more than anything. You can explain for yourself and maybe let him know when it's safe to see each other again?"

It would not be as fulfilling as speaking face to face, but it was the best alternative at the moment. "Yeah. I'd like that." A weak smile forced its way onto Elena Gilbert's face.

Elena remembered that she wanted to news on Bonnie, but couldn't bring herself to ask for fear of what she would hear. She could ask later.

The friends sat in a melancholy silence for some time, waiting for Stefan to return to the Boarding House.

Much later, when dusk had settled, the sound of a car pulling into the gravel driveway alerted the two of Stefan's return.

Elena awaited the news he brought with twisting anticipation.


	4. It Is What It Is

Chapter Four: It Is What It Is

A/N: First of all thank you all so much for reading my story! I can't believe that it is somehow readable and maybe somewhat entertaining! Thanks to all those who have reviewed so far, you guys are the best! I don't think you understand how much authors absolutely love reading new reviews. I even love reading the old reviews…lame I know haha.

Mmm I feel that it is necessary to warn you all that there is a bit of Stelena in this chapter. I'm one hundred percent Delena, but in order to make the story believable, we have to keep it canon for at least a little while, which means Stelena for a bit… I mean JP did say that they would be happy for a while. Delena will win out in this story, don't worry :)

* * *

The door swung open, thudding against the wall quietly. Stefan walked in and shut it before he heaved a heavy sigh and shuffled to the living room where Caroline and Elena sat alert to his presence. They gauged his expression, mentally determining whether it would be good news or bad.

He looked tired, his eyes were sad. Elena stood and gave him a hug, at once feeling better with him in her arms.

She pulled away, "What happened?" Her hands held his face and her thumb grazed his cheek. She watched his expression change from pained to content in a matter of seconds while Stefan's eyes closed, grateful for her touch.

The spell did not last long; it was broken when Caroline cleared her throat. Once she had their attention she finally spoke, "Look, I'm more thrilled than anyone that you two are finally back together, but could you possibly refrain from the lovin' until I'm gone?"

Stefan coughed uncomfortably and relinquished his hold on Elena, while she stepped slightly away from him. "Sorry, Care…" She apologized.

"It's okay, 'Lena, I'm just a bit sensitive to couples at the moment," she smiled weakly.

Guilt resurfaced in Elena and she moved back to the couch next to her friend. Looking back to Stefan, she asked him what had happened all day.

Stefan shifted and then joined the pair on the couch. "I…couldn't find Bonnie anywhere. I looked in every place that she might be, but she's disappeared completely," he admitted finally. "But don't worry, she'll show eventually, Elena," he tried comforting her. "We'll get you a ring so you can adjust."

Although Elena expected this, the disappointment still struck. "Yeah…you're right." She smiled at him, though it looked more like a grimace, "Thank you for trying, Stefan, I appreciate it."

His green eyes still watched her apprehensively, but rather than say anything, he took her hand and simply held it.

"I asked Caroline, but I have to ask you too. How is Jeremy?" Elena held her breath and waited for Stefan's baritone voice to answer.

The vampire sighed and grazed his thumb on the back of Elena's soft hand, "He's worried about you Elena. And he wants to see you. He's pretty adamant on it, actually. I hardly convinced him to stay put tonight, but he realizes how dangerous you are."

Elena's gut roiled. "I have to see him, Stefan. No matter what it takes, I need to gain some control as soon as possible. It isn't fair to Jeremy. He's already lost me as a human…I can't let him lose me forever."

Stefan simply nodded. "I'll help you." He tenderly replied.

She felt her face soften at the look he sent her, and the roiling lessened a fraction. "Thank you."

"I'll help you too, 'Lena." Caroline spoke, grabbing Elena's other hand. Looking at Stefan, her eyebrows drew together, "Should I go back to the Gilberts' house now?"

"Yes. Jeremy needs a friend right now." He relinquished his hold on Elena's hand and stood. "I'll walk you out."

Caroline lifted herself from the sofa and grabbed her bag, following Stefan out the door.

Elena leaned back into the cushions, at once noting that Stefan was interrogating the blonde vampire on Elena's doings while he was out. She was sure Caroline would omit her own break down, but she was not hopeful enough that her fight with Damon would go unmentioned.

It didn't matter though, she supposed. Elena was likely to tell him about it on her own accord. That was the nature of their relationship. She was honest with him, as he was to her. What she really didn't want to tell him was her total lack of control when it came to her bloodlust. She was embarrassed that she couldn't stop herself from drinking those bags bone dry. It was her shame that prevented the confession to Caroline.

Her eyes wandered to the liquor cart, feeling as though she could do with a drink. Elena supposed that if Stefan was going to help her conquer the insane urge, he would have to know about her failed attempt at control from earlier today. He could possibly tell her what went wrong, and then provide her with a remedy.

Stefan walked through the door and strode toward her, the worried look back.

"Elena, I'm sorry I wasn't here with you today! I meant to get back around lunch time, but I couldn't find Bonnie and then Caroline called asking for help and I just got tied up and—" She was in front of him in a flash, holding her finger to his lips in a gesture to silence him.

Stefan's voice died in his throat, and he watched Elena with clouded eyes. She did not want to talk about all the bad anymore. She had to push it away or she would go mad.

"Hey, don't worry about it Stefan. You were trying to help me, I understand that. Thank you." Elena removed her finger from his lips and snaked her hand into his. It was so easy being with him, she realized in content. "Everything is going to turn out alright, it's just going to take time, I guess…" she winced at the uncertainty in the tone of her voice.

"You know I don't believe that." His voice was sad again, returning to the reality of her situation now that Caroline had gone. "Elena, I know that you never wanted this and I know that you're taking it a lot harder than you've let on. Please, let me help you." Stefan pleaded with her.

Elena stiffened, "What else is there to say? It can't be changed, Stefan. It was transition or die and leave everyone I love. I'm not dwelling on it." Her voice conveyed the annoyance she felt.

The sandy haired vampire exhaled in frustration, "The worst possible thing you can do is pushing this all below the surface. And that's exactly what you're doing!" He pulled himself away from her, "If you refuse to come to terms with becoming a vampire, you're just going to make it worse for yourself."

Elena's chocolate brown eyes regarded him with cool eyes. "If I think about it, I'll go mad. Is that what you want?

Do you want me to tell you how right you are? How my worst nightmare has become my reality? How I will _always_ hate what I've become? Or about the self-loathing that will torture me every time I drink human blood because that is the only thing that can sustain me now? Do you really want that for me, Stefan?"

"No, Elena. I want you to accept it, no matter how painful it is right now. Because in the end, it's the only thing that will help you heal." He was standing in front of her again, trying to guide her eyes to meet his, his voice softened.

Elena's shoulders slumped, done with discussing her plight. "I don't want to fight right now. Can we just forget it for the time being?"

Although Stefan was annoyed with Elena, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of amusement at the exasperation in her eyes. "Alright," He conceded. "just for now though."

He looked handsome in the darkened light, golden brown hair tousled, and his skin bronze and smooth. He was irresistible.

"I'm fine for now," Elena agreed, both to herself and Stefan. She stepped close enough to him for his cool breath to tickle her nose. It sent pleasant shivers down her spine.

The fight between them quickly subsided and another mood overtook the two as they held each other's gaze. "I just want to _be_ with you." Her whispered words surprised her. She knew what she said had double meaning and she knew that Stefan would understand what it meant.

Lust, stronger than she had ever felt before was clouding her every sense. All she knew was that it had been ages since they were last together and it had to change. While she was human, she could have fought the urge until it was an appropriate time. Now that she was a vampire, the control was impossible. There was no stopping it.

It seemed that Stefan's thoughts were along the same tracks as well. His forest green eyes darkened and his mouth was on hers in a flash.

His strong hands pulled her body to his and held her to him. It had been so long.

Stefan's lips kneaded her own, asking for access as his tongue flicked over her soft lips. He deepened the kiss as Elena's hands drifted to his hair. Stefan's kiss was gentle; it was an embodiment of him. She had missed it more than she realized.

Every nerve in her body was thrumming quietly when he laid her onto the couch. She felt at once the familiar comfort of their closeness. It was soft and sweet. It was safe.

She didn't know how long they had been like that for, but her dead heart picked its up tempo ever so slightly as he lifted her bridal style and carried her up to his room.

* * *

Thin streaks of sunlight escaped the heavy drapes that were drawn over the windows in Stefan's room, inching across the floor in lazy haze filled light. Dust motes glinted in the tendrils, floating aimlessly around.

Elena lay awake, watching the particles drift in the warm light. How she longed to be outside where that glorious light could heat her limbs once more. Stefan slept on next to her, the sheets pulled past his waist, the lapis lazuli ring on his finger. She envied him because of that heavy piece of jewelry. As she watched him, her mind drifted.

She thought on last night's events. He was so gentle and loving, his heart was completely hers. She felt as though she could stay in his arms forever. Elena knew that what she and Stefan had was so wonderful and effortless and she didn't want to let it go. She loved him. She probably always would.

But her subconscious nagged that something, she didn't know how prominent, was missing. She shut her eyes uneasily, unable to banish the thought from her mind. They were perfect together, yes, but Elena couldn't help but wonder what her subconscious claimed was absent.

Soul piercing blue eyes flashed behind her closed eyes.

She clenched her face into her hands, trying to rid herself of those haunting orbs, failing at forcing him from her mind. Why did Damon have to ruin even her thoughts? Elena bit her lip to prevent from angrily exhaling. She picked Stefan. She _loved _Stefan. So why did she let the elder Salvatore creep into her every thought?

It had to be her hyper sensitive vampire emotions. There was no other explanation, she concluded. Resting her head back in the feather pillow, she relaxed.

Moments later, Stefan shifted and woke. He leaned into Elena and kissed her cheek sweetly. "Good morning." He greeted her in content.

"Morning Stefan." Her lips found his for a few moments.

Stefan broke away. "Okay, Okay—" He murmured. "We need to get started on the Elena Gilbert Control Plan."

Laughter bubbled from her chest. "The what?"

The handsome man next to her joined in with a chuckle. "That was my attempt at coming up with a witty title for the day ahead."

"You mean 'trying to master the insatiable urge to rip into a human's throat and drink all their blood' plan?" She deadpanned.

"Uh, yes…that one." Stefan relented. "Come on, time to get up."

"Sooner I master this, the sooner I get to see Jeremy, right?" She questioned him with a pointed look and then stood to pick up her pants and seek a shirt out.

Stefan did the same and then answered: "That would be the plan.'' He turned to face her and watched as she pulled on one of his shirts.

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's get started!" She disappeared down the stairs, her footsteps echoing off the old wood steps.

Stefan gave a half smile at her eagerness. "Hold on, let me call Caroline. She's going to help out!"

He could hear her assent from the kitchen.

* * *

Where was that box of frosted flakes? Elena knew that it was in the pantry somewhere. She had seen the Salvatore's wandering around with bowls full of it. Her stomach rumbled in actual hunger as she impatiently tapped the empty bowl in her hand. She whirled out of the walk-in pantry annoyed at her inability to locate something as simple as a box of cereal.

She set the bowl on the counter closest to her. "Stefa—"

"Looking for something?" a confident drawl made Elena jump a mile high and her unused spoon clattered to the floor.

Wide mahogany eyes met ocean blue ones. "Damon…" Was all she could utter.

"Good morning, Elena." He enunciated coolly. "Fancy seeing _you_here. In Stefan's shirt." Damon added eyeing the gray cotton V-neck.

He seemed oddly himself. Cocky, cool and sarcastic. She should have felt relief at the normalcy, but instead the bitter pang of disappointment took precedence instead.

"Oh…um, well…" She found herself sputtering, caught in Damon's stare.

"Elena?" Stefan stood at the doorway carefully regarding the interaction. "Damon."

"Hello, brother." The elder Salvatore greeted without moving his blue eyes from Elena.

Stefan cautiously entered the kitchen and crossed to Elena, all the while keeping his gaze trained on Damon.

He rested his hands on Elena's shoulders. "You ready to start? Caroline is coming."

Elena broke her eye contact with Damon to acknowledge his younger brother, her brows drawing together. "Yeah…I guess so."

Damon regarded them in curiosity. "Start what, Steffie?" He folded his arms and leaned against the counter.

"Elena is going to learn how to feed off of animals today." Stefan simply answered.

Damon and Elena responded at the same time.

"No, I'm not—" Came her indignant response.

"It turned out pretty well for you—" Damon sounded bitingly.

Elena shook her head vehemently, "Stefan, no offense but I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that I should go 'vegetarian'. If there's any chance that I might go off the rails because I refuse to drink human blood, then I don't want to risk it…"

True to his character and credit, Stefan did not seem surprised nor did he seem disappointed. Instead he gave a resigned nod of the head to her.

Damon smirked, "Yeah, we don't want to put anymore bunnies on the endangered list. Elena is being smart for once. She's going to feed off humans."

"No, I'm not doing that either. I don't want to hurt anyone," she shrugged, "I'm only going to feed from blood bags."

She watched Damon as she said this, glaring at him as he burst out laughing. "You—you think you can gain control _just _by feeding from bags?" He laughed. "That has got to be the most stupid idea I have ever heard. You can't control yourself without being able to withstand the temptation of a living human. That means you have to be able to feed on someone and not kill them." He deadpanned to her.

"I can do it, Damon. I just need to practice."

Damon rolled his eyes, showing his annoyance, "Not that simple, Eh-lay-nah," He enunciated. "It so happens that feeding off of a human and a bag are two totally different things. You know, pulse and all?"

Elena's lips pursed and her brown eyes narrowed to slits. "I don't want to hurt anyone, Damon."

"Hah, that's funny. Considering that if you don't learn control on a human, you're just gonna end up killing a whole bunch of 'em." Damon's lip curled and his eyes flared.

Stefan shifted and brought the two quarreling vampire's attention to him. "Don't press her, Damon. It's what she wants."

Damon's eyes focused a glare on his brother."Are you stupid, Stefan? You know better than I do that she needs to learn on a human! If she doesn't, she could go ripper on everyone." How was Stefan so ignorant with this? He _had_ to know. Maybe he was letting Elena learn a lesson? Or was he really dumb enough to think that Elena could learn control solely on blood bags?

Stefan stood firm behind Elena, literally and figuratively. "If this is what she wants, I'll do what I can to help her, brother."

Damon couldn't stand to be around this sheer ridiculousness. He was out. "I won't be party to this," He spat as he pushed himself from the counter. "Come talk to me when you learn some sense, Elena." The dark haired vampire stormed out of the kitchen and made a point to slam his bedroom door shut.

Elena seemed to deflate some once he was gone. Her head bowed and her hand moved to grasp her upper arm. "What if he's right, Stefan? What if I can't do it this way?" She sounded hopeless.

The younger Salvatore spun her around and gazed intently into her eyes. "Don't think like that Elena. You're one of the strongest people I know," his green eyes bore into hers, "If anyone can learn from blood bags alone, it's you."

His assurances gave her comfort and strengthened her resolve. "You're right. Okay, let's do this."

* * *

"You need to find that one thing that overwhelms your every thought, and focus on it when you want to stop." Stefan explained. "It's that simple."

Elena was busy having a stare down with the blood bag in his hand to pay much attention to what he said. This was the third attempt in a week and they had not seen any improvement.

They were in the dining room of the Boarding House. She was seated at the head of the table with Stefan and Caroline standing to the left. Caroline watched Elena intently, realizing at once that the new vampire had not heard Stefan's instructions.

"Elena?" Caroline questioningly called. "Did you hear anything?"

Elena snapped from her trance and turned her brown eyes to meet Caroline's, "What? Something about overwhelming thoughts and stuff."

In a way that was very Caroline-esque, the blonde vampire rolled her eyes and stamped her foot. "Trust me, I know exactly what you're going through, but God, Elena you need to snap out of it for like ten seconds so we can help you adjust!"

Stefan frowned, "Be nice, Caroline, she'll get it." He turned his sympathetic gaze on his girlfriend. "How about I repeat myself?"

Elena nodded, "Yes please," she spoke sheepishly.

He smiled and started over, taking special care to keep her attention on him the whole time. "Let's give this a shot," he concluded.

He set the bag in front of her hands on the table. At once, she tore for the bag and began to down the contents, overcome by the insane drive to consume. In seconds it was empty and her eyes greedily sought out the second which was held tightly in Caroline's hand. Elena lunged out of the chair she was seated in and fought to tear the bag from her friends hold.

She hit what felt like a brick wall. Stefan forced her arms to her sides and held her there as she struggled uselessly against his iron grasp. "Elena focus!"

Elena did not want to focus. She wanted to feed! Feral snarls tore from her throat and the black veins stood in sharp contrast against her olive skin.

The door cracked opened slightly and revealed cerulean blue eyes watching her in disdain.

Damon.

Those impossible blue eyes pierced her nonexistent soul. They read her every motive, her every desire. She was entranced by them, so much so that she did not notice her fangs retracting nor her ridged muscles relaxing.

As soon as he appeared he vanished back into the recesses of the large house.

Caroline squealed in excitement. "You did it! Elena, you can control yourself! Finally! I'm so proud of you!"

Stefan's vice grip relaxed into a warm embrace. "Congratulations, 'Lena," he murmured into her ear. "Jeremy is waiting."

A huge smile grew on her face. She was proud of herself. Smug, even. She had proven Damon Salvatore wrong and now she was being rewarded by something she dearly wished for. Now she could finally see her brother. She had spoken on the phone with him a few times over the last five days, but it was nothing compared to being with him in person.

Nothing could describe the sheer joy she felt at the fact that she could finally be with her brother. She wanted to run right then, and then she would burst into the house and all would be well again! Or as good as it could be, given the circumstances.

"Well what are we waiting for!" She burst. "Let's go!" She began dragging Stefan and Caroline by the hands out of the dining room.

Her spirit had risen so greatly that nothing else occupied her mind. She had to see him, had to let him know that she would be alright and that they could in fact be a family once more.

Elena was so besotted with the knowledge that she was going to see her brother that she did not notice Damon slink back into the room.

"I take it you have things under 'control', then?" He tossed at Elena.

Elena was relieved when Stefan spoke up for her, "Yes, she has. We're about to head over to the Gilbert's house right now."

"I hope you don't mind if I tag along, you know, to take care of the mess she makes," Damon nodded his head in Elena's direction and gave his classic smug smile.

Her happy mood had been dashed for the moment. Damon ruins everything, she decided. "Yes. I do mind, Damon." She gritted out. She was still pissed at him for doubting her that morning three days ago. "So if you'll excuse us, we're leaving." Elena marched to the door with Stefan and Caroline in tow.

Damon merely grinned and sauntered after the trio. "I'm just going to take my own car then!" He called, garnering a slammed door in response.

The drive seemed to take ages. Elena impatiently tapped her foot against the floor of the car. Her every ounce of concentration went to preventing her leg from bouncing up and down, thus punching a hole in the bottom of Caroline's black Ford. They were nearing the residential area of Mystic Falls and Elena couldn't help but notice the glare of Damon's headlights in the back ground.

"I don't understand why Damon thinks he has to come. I mean seriously, he's been MIA for the past week and basically ignoring Elena, no offense, but now he thinks he can just mosey with us after throwing a hissy fit about everything?" Caroline vented to the occupants of her car. "What is his deal, anyway?" Her eyes flitted into her rearview mirror to glimpse at Elena. "You still haven't told me what you two were arguing about, by the way."

"And I'm not going to Care, it doesn't matter. Damon and I just don't see eye to eye, ever." Elena explained. "Does Jeremy know I'm coming home?"

Stefan shook his head, eyes focused on the dark outside road that was lit occasionally by a lighted post, "No, I haven't told him anything. I think he's due for a good surprise."

Elena felt a flutter of nerves. What if Jeremy doesn't like what she's become? Obviously he doesn't like vampires, but now his sister was one of them, and he seemed resigned to the fact that it wasn't going to change. It was as he said during one of their phone calls: "I'd rather have you as one of them then dead, 'Lena. I'll get used to it one day. I'm just glad you're still here."

Still, she was worried about his reaction to her. The car slowed as they pulled in front of her home. Caroline killed the engine just as Damon's car stopped behind them. She pulled in a calming breath and opened the door.

The four of them reached the porch at the same time and let Elena step ahead to knock on the door. She took another steadying breath as she raised her arm shakily to rap on the wooden door.

She knocked three times and waited silently with the others for Jeremy to answer.

After what seemed like a century, the padding footsteps reached the foyer and pulled the door open.

Jeremy was dressed in his pajamas and looked disheveled and worn.

His mouth dropped slack and his brown eyes widened so that it was almost comical. A chuckle was heard in the back ground. Damon's, undoubtedly.

"E—Elena?" her brother gasped and then rushed out and wrapped her in his warm arms. "I can't believe you're here! I didn't expect for you to come for at least a few more days!"

Jeremy spun his sister around, both of them laughing at their reunion. "I've missed you so much! You're back, you're really back!" He hugged her again and smoothed her hair.

"I've missed you too Jer, so much." Elena whispered into his shoulder, giddiness had overcome her.

Her brother stepped away to examine her, holding Elena an arm's length away as he inspected her face, looking for the changes that vampirism brought. He was happy to see that she had not been altered too much. She was still his big sister.

Jeremy smiled and stepped back into the doorway, "Elena Gilbert, would you like to come in?"

A face splitting grin lit up Elena Gilbert's face as she nodded enthusiastically in assent. "I would love to come in, Jer."

She stepped into her home, a strange feeling, nearly melancholy if it weren't for her reunion with Jeremy. The others followed after and Jeremy pulled her in for another hug.

The five of them entered into the kitchen and Jeremy, in a great mood, graciously offered them coffee.

Not once did Jeremy stray far from Elena. It seemed as though he did not want her to disappear out of the house again. And she didn't plan to. Now that she was in control, Elena was going to stay put in the house with her brother. Life needed to go on as normally as possible.

For the time being, they avoided speaking about Alaric. The reunion was meant to be a happy time for the two. Alaric's death would be touched upon when they absolutely must speak of it. Elena did not want to darken her time with Jeremy by mentioning their dead guardian. It would blacken the mood of everyone, particularly Damon, who seemed like he was almost enjoying himself.

They spent the next hour or so talking as though Elena was not a blood thirsty vampire. It felt fantastic to be with her brother again, but slowly the euphoria passed and was replaced with a calm content between the two siblings. "You're staying here tonight, right Elena?" Jeremy finally asked after the group had lulled into silence.

"I think I will," Elena smiled at her brother, ruffling his hair. "It's time for the Gilbert duo to get back to normal."

They went on to make arrangements. Caroline would stay with them to ensure that Elena would not go ripper on her brother and also because she could not go home. She had been outed by evil Alaric to the Founder's Council and was technically a fugitive now.

In the morning, Stefan would come by to help Elena adjust some more and then they would head back to Mystic Falls High. Provided Elena was ready for it, of course.

It was imperceptible at first, but Elena caught a whiff of Jeremy's blood and her vampire instincts began struggling against the bonds she had forced them under. She forced her lungs to quit working and focused on the fact that Jeremy was her brother and she would not,_could _not hurt him.

_Fight against it, Elena. _She spoke to herself. _I can't drink my own brother's blood. I have control. I _have _control! Fight it! I can do this. I can. _She assured herself and repeated a mantra.

The pounding of his pulse began to echo in her ears and she knew she had to get out of there. She forced a calm walk to the foyer of her home and dragged in a slow breath. That was a big mistake.

The tantalizing aroma of Jeremy's blood overwhelmed her and she immediately shut her throat off to prevent the sweet scent of blood from entering her senses further. Elena began pacing, which proved to be another mistake because it brought Jeremy out to check on her.

_I need to get out of here. Oh no. I can't do this. I can't control it._Elena felt her fangs grow and the black veins surge under her eyes.

"Elena? Are you okay?" Jeremy walked to Elena and lightly touched her shoulder.

It was too much. Her brother's pulse overwhelmed her ears and his blood, oh his blood! Elena had never smelled anything so appetizing. It smelled of the most fantastic array of deserts she had ever beheld. Every muscle in her body coiled to pounce.

He was no longer her brother. He was the prey and she the superior predator. Any shred of her inhibition, of her humanity disappeared as she grinned. She gave herself over to the monster inside.

In less than a second after Jeremy had grabbed her shoulder, Elena turned and attacked. Her fangs pierced his neck and his hot, sweet blood poured into her waiting mouth. She growled as he let out a pained yell.

In what felt like an instant, Elena was torn off of Jeremy and thrown to the floor. She fought against the hard body that pinned her to the ground. She wanted to feed. She wanted to drain every last ounce from Jeremy's flesh. Feral growls and snarls tore from her throat as she struggled tooth and nail to be freed of the force that held her still.

"Let go of me!" Elena screamed at it.

Eyes the color of the ocean stared into hers, shocking her like lightning. "Focus, Elena!" Damon's velvety voice shot through the blood induced haze. "You have to focus! Look at me!" he commanded her.

After one final heave she stopped, exhausted from the exertion she put forth. Once Damon had deemed that she would not move, he removed himself from Elena and stepped away to reveal the scene behind him.

Horror saturated her every nerve as she took in the grisly view before her. She had done this. A demon, she was a demon.

Caroline stood in shock, gaping at Elena in disgust, though she did not intend to show it. Blood had seeped onto the hardwood floors, a table had broken in half.

But that was not the worst part. That was not what made Elena want to find a stake and heave it through her heart.

Jeremy sat on the floor with Stefan supporting him. His hand was firmly held to his neck as he regarded Elena with terror in his doe brown eyes. She realized that this was the look someone bestowed on something they deemed a monster. She would rather die a thousand times than be looked at like that. Jeremy knew she was a monster; there was no denying that now.

She felt dizzy. Elena needed to leave. She couldn't stand to look at the result of her doing. Everything whirled and spun. She was going to be sick.

With one last horror struck look at Damon, she fled the scene of her crime.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who takes time from their day to read my story, I appreciate you all!

Thank you to my wonderful Beta reader, Last Marauder of Five! I feel so much better about putting stuff in the public once it's been touched up and polished. You're the best, Last Marauder of Five!

Uh ohh, what's going to happen next? Review and take a guess!


	5. Hope for the Hopeless

Chapter Five: Hope For The Hopeless

**Hey guys! This chapter is just a tad different from the rest. Different point of view, yayyy! Anyway, I want to thank my Beta The Last Marauder of Five! And also, I want to thank you all for being so patient with me! I'm having so much fun writing this, but life gets in the way, you know work and college and all that jazz. So I will update as often as I can! **

**It really really helps me when I get reviews and responses from my readers! I know every author says that, but it's true. Every single review gives this story purpose and it gives me motivation to keep on writing. I know how many of you guys have read it and even if a quarter of you lovlies left a review it would be monumental! So I implore you, please review!**

**Here is my equation: the more reviews this story gets = faster updates. And these reviews don't even have to be praise and such, it can be criticism too. I want this story to be great, so I want input from my readers.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries.**

* * *

Spinning, everything was spinning and tilting at odd angles. Elena kept running, barely preventing the dizziness from overcoming her. She didn't know where she would stop; she only knew to furiously work her legs in a direction away from her old home.

The image of Jeremy's terrified eyes as he regarded his sister after she ripped at his neck was forever branded in her mind. They both knew clearly what she was: a monster.

Who were they to think that her blood-driven nature could simply be ignored? How naïve could they possibly be to believe that life would go on as it had before?

Elena now bitterly realized the obvious. She and Jeremy were sorely mistaken. There was no going back to her old life. She was a vampire, a demonic creature of darkness. The very fact had been proven tonight when she attacked her brother.

The Boarding House loomed in front of her. Elena stopped cold in the dewy green yard, gasping for air as she hyperventilated, finally overcome with the unforgivable crime she committed. Cool tears dripped down her cheeks and onto her bloodstained shirt.

She was covered in blood. Jeremy's blood. Her clumsy fingers tore at the light pink blouse and ripped the desecrated material from her body, flesh crawling where the shirt once made contact with her.

Elena continued to shudder as she glared at the foul fabric that lay in shreds at her feet. She kicked it away viciously. She needed to wash away the remnants of the night away from her body.

The moon cast a pale light on her, causing the blood to take on a gray hue as it glimmered on her hands. Bile forced its way up her throat and Elena stopped to retch into the bushes near the front door. After dry heaving for a moment, she unsteadily made her way into the darkened house and up the stairs. Her hands gripped the rail while her feet forced their way up the steps. Elena felt so weak. Her heart hammered and her head was reeling.

The only thought her mind could comprehend was the fact that she needed to wash the sick and the blood from her body. She needed to purge herself of the awful actions she committed. Elena needed a long hot shower.

Damon's room was down the hall, the silver moonlight gleamed through the open door. Elena's swallowed and gathered what strength she had left and staggered into his room, the old floorboards creaking loudly as she stumbled past the threshold.

She crossed the darkened room and entered into his bathroom. The switch was flipped on by her blood crusted fingers and the room hummed with light. She found her way to the shower and opened the glass door. Her hand found the knob and turned it, finding she didn't care about the temperature. Elena stepped in just as the shower head fully released the water and stood under the downpour, letting the cold water wash over her, letting it wash away the grime and the gore.

As Elena leaned against the opposite glass wall, she slid down to the tiled floor, the freezing water streaming mercilessly into her face. Soon, the icy water plastered her camisole and jeans to her body, though she couldn't find it in herself to care. She didn't care that she was freezing, she simply gave into the mind numbing cold and sat there, the event of the night replaying over and over again, flashing before her eyes.

* * *

Damon entered into the dark house, his eyes surveying the hall. He could hear the shower going upstairs somewhere and at once knew that Elena was inside somewhere. His shoulders relaxed in relief and the started up the stair case quickly, his feet thumping lightly against each step as he bounded up the flight.

The expression on Elena's face twisted Damon's heart; he wished that he could have prevented the attack. He knew that something was up with the brunette beauty when she abruptly left the room. What pissed him off the most was the fact that he was stupid enough to actually trust Elena to control herself.

Wasn't he the one who was skeptical about her anti-ripper scheme? Didn't he vehemently protest any outing before he was one hundred percent sure she could handle herself? Didn't he vocalize his opinions about how he felt everything was to be dealt with?

Obviously he had a mind blank about everything because he foolishly allowed Elena to leave the safety of his home and practically pushed her into her brother's arms, where she chose to have a drinking binge. Damon scowled. He was an idiot to let her go. Then again, the way her eyes lit up in honest excitement at the prospect of seeing Jeremy again negated any protest he might have voiced.

As he made it to the second floor, he stopped suddenly. The light in his room was on. It so happened that the shower was in his bathroom was running as well. Elena was in _his_ room? That's the shock of the century right there. Forget the Kennedy assassination!

The dark haired vampire quickly recovered his wits and walked deliberately into his room and prepared himself to look anywhere but at the woman who was surely standing naked in his bathroom. Of course, any other time he would gladly stare, but right now was not the time. Elena was in distress and she didn't need to deal with the awkwardness that would occur if Damon caught sight of a full frontal.

Being the genuinely thoughtful and wonderful person he was, Damon decided to knock so she would not be startled or angry. His knuckles rapped against the mahogany door and he waited for a muffled acknowledgement. There was none. His brows drew together in confusion. Maybe she didn't hear him? He cleared his throat and called her name.

Still nothing.

Was it a little too early to be worried? "Elena?" he called again, loudly this time.

His ears were greeted with the steady rush of water rather than her voice. That's it. He was going in.

Damon pushed open the door and stopped short. Elena was in there, but she was not as he expected.

Instead of finding her steamy hot in the middle of rinsing suds from her body, he found her sitting fully clothed beneath a torrent of water spilling from the shower head. Her olive skin had a gray pallor to it and seemed drain of all signs of life.

The blank expression on her face scared him. Chocolate colored vacant eyes stared unseeingly into the glass panel that enclosed the shower. Though clearly still breathing, she was lifeless. Not even a trace of sadness or anger was evident on her face. Nothing. Elena gave no sign of being aware of Damon's presence; she sat like stone in a storm, unaware of the outside world. Nothing, it seemed, could shake her from the zombie like trance she had wrapped herself in.

It was the face of someone who had given up.

Damon lurched to the glass barrier between them; this frightened him more than the thought of her running away.

His pale hands grappled to slide the glass away and stepped in, ignoring the fact that he was ruining his prized John Varvatos shirt, or his Italian leather boots.

Still nothing, not even a flash of recognition.

Rather than turning the water off and pulling her out of the shower to give her a scolding like he would have normally done, Damon turned the handle to the left, so that warm water would sheet down on them in place of the frigid ice Elena chose to sit under.

The dark haired vampire sat carefully down beside her, squinting to keep the warm water from entering his eyes. He didn't touch her, no he would wait for some sign of life to manifest itself from the broken girl sitting next to him. Damon's blue eyes turned to gaze at her face. Her mahogany hair was plastered to her cheeks and her back. Goose flesh stood out sharply from her skin, whether from the freezing temperature she had just endured or from the events of the evening, he didn't think it mattered. The mascara that coated her long lashes long since disintegrated in the water and left her looking younger and more vulnerable than he had ever seen. Elena's deep eyes still stared unblinkingly forward.

Damon's pale lips twisted in a grimace as he took in her appearance. This person was a shell, a broken being with a lost path. _A lot like me, _he noted sadly. Damon didn't want Elena to take the same path he had, or the path Stefan had taken. They both were destructive and dark. He vowed to bring her back to herself. He vowed to bring her as close to the Elena she was before fate had cruelly turned to the worse, even if it meant bringing her back to his saintly brother.

Damon held in a heavy sigh. Stefan would know exactly how to help her; he could bring her out of her scary coma-like trance and give her the comfort that she needed. As much as it killed Damon to admit it, and it devastated him, Elena was in far better shape with Stefan than she would ever be with him—emotionally, of course. When it came to Elena's physical safety, Damon prided himself the better protector.

His brows drew together in contemplation. Should he say something? Should he wait for her to show some sign of life and then speak? Or would it be best to wait for her to break the silence? If he spoke, then it would be strictly on his terms and she most likely wouldn't open up. He wanted her to speak to him on her terms, which meant waiting for her to say something. Glancing sideways at her stone still form, he knew that would take a while. So Damon settled in to wait.

Sadly, if there was one thing Damon wasn't good at, it was timing.

It seemed like hours had passed. He was getting antsy. Realistically, he knew it couldn't have been more than twenty minutes. But the silence was getting to him and he really, really needed to clear his throat out. The itch was relentless! He fought against the urge to cough for a few minutes more before he lost it.

The quiet cough echoed in the shower, mixing with the sound of the water. A slight shift to his right caused him to turn his head so quickly that he cricked his neck.

Damon felt like his blue eyes were bugging out of his sockets. Whoops…

Elena was out of her reverie, she was gingerly pulling her soaked legs to meet her chest. Her eyes held a dazed gleam and her lips were pulled into a melancholy frown.

"You don't have to be in here, you know," she rasped slowly, shocking Damon with acknowledgment.

Damon quickly regained his wits and swallowed before responding to her.

"No, but it's apparent that you need me here."

Her eyebrows drew together, "I need to be alone," she corrected him and stared forward, now seeming to burn the glass. "I don't need you here to tell me 'I told you so', Damon. I know that's why you've been sitting here for so long."

Damon drew back, stung that she would assume so. "I'm here, Elena, because you just attacked your brother. I'm here because you shouldn't be alone, because as much as you deny it, you need someone to talk to, someone to rely on." He gazed intently at her, willing her to meet his gaze so she could feel the weight of his words.

Rather than meeting Damon's cerulean eyes, Elena looked the opposite direction and pulled her shoulder away from his. He felt frustration build inside his chest and snapped his mouth shut instead of sounding off some biting remark.

"Just go, Damon." Elena whispered as she clenched her jaw and shifted further away.

Determination flashed in his ice blue eyes and his strong hands found her shoulders and pulled them to meet his gaze. "I'm not leaving," he enunciated firmly, his orbs searching her face intently, similar to that rainy day they faced together so long ago.

With a huff, Elena finally met his gaze, her eyes flashing dangerously, the black veins glimmering subtly under the thin skin. Her lips pursed and the streaming sheets of water descending from the shower head collected in the curve of her mouth, the strings of her dark hair stuck to her cheeks. She was beautiful, even in such disarray. It caused Damon's breath to catch, and his heart skipped a beat. He leaned forward just a fraction of an inch before coming to his senses and jerking away from her face.

"Go", Elena growled.

Damon grit his teeth in determination; he was going to bring Elena away out of this stubborn, self-loathing persona if it killed him. There was only room for one of those, and that spot was already involved in an intense tug-of-war between him and his dear brother. He needed a quick plan of action.

Damon had to admit, he never expected to be irked so greatly by someone he loved, but Elena had a fantastic habit of consistently blowing his expectations out of the water.

His joints creaked and popped as he leaned up to turn the water off. It really was time to refresh his circulatory system with some O negative. Or maybe some B positive. He fought the smirk from quirking his lips up.

After the water ceased its endless torrent, Damon left the shower and grabbed two towels before promptly reclaiming his spot next to the angry vampire. He placed one fluffy towel on her lap and used the second to slough what water he could off of his shaggy hair and sopping shirt.

He decided to risk a glance at Elena and watched her fingers slowly crawl to the towel resting on her legs.

"I don't want this," Elena's voice was desperate and vulnerable, finally reviving since the numbness had overtaken her. The knuckles on her left fist went white from clenching the terry cloth so tightly.

"You need to dry off so I don't have to sit in this miserable spot anymore," Damon deadpanned, itching to change into dry clothing and be rid of the squelching sound his shoes made during every slight movement.

Elena jerked her head to glare at him once more and the fire in her eyes seemed to burn searing holes through his very being.

The muscles in Elena's jaw stood out starkly and her nostrils flared, but as quickly as it started, the inferno expired and was replaced with the defeated gleam again. "No, I don't want _this, _Damon. I don't want this life!" Her lip trembled and her olive toned hands clasped together tightly as she directed her eyes downward. In a broken voice she finished, "I don't want to be a monster…"

Damon's heart clenched tightly. Damn her for making him feel, for making him want to take away her hurt no matter how badly she hurt him. His hand found its way to her clasped ones without her consent and covered them; her tan skin contrasting with his pale complexion.

Her body tensed up, but other than that, she made no move to throw him off.

"Look at me," he gently murmured. Elena's lowered gaze remained on their hands before she slowly, almost unwillingly lifted her eyes to meet his.

The defeat he heard in her voice was echoed in her eyes, but it was mixed with other emotions, Damon observed. Shame, self-loathing, sadness, distress and something else he dare not name.

"You could never be a monster, Elena Gilbert," he willed her comprehend, "No matter what you do, what you become, a monster is the _last _thing you will ever become. Do you understand me?"

Elena's lip quivered once more and the tense position of her muscles gave way as tears unwillingly welled in her eyes. A shuddering sob forced its way from her throat and her brown eyes screwed themselves shut as hot tears cut tracks down her cheeks.

Damon knew that she was trying to stop herself from crying in front of him and for that, he felt pity for her. He wanted to help her.

He hated that he desired so greatly to console her; Damon Salvatore was _not _a comforter. He was the cause of the problem, not an aid to the solution. This wasn't him. Damon Salvatore was the revenge seeker, the volatile and unpredictable brother. Being here with Elena, granting her the comfort he knew she craved, it was Stefan's job. But here he was, sitting on the slippery tiled floor of his shower next to a pissed off, brooding Elena Gilbert, while Steffie was out doing damage control at the Gilbert residence. Why did he trust Damon to find her when Stefan was the man for the job? He quickly realized that if he and his dear little brother reversed roles, bigger fights would ensue and Damon would be the cause of it all. Guess he hadn't changed so much after all.

It was time to get out of the damn shower.

As Elena tried to keep herself together, Damon stood and pulled her to her feet gingerly before lifting her into his arms and maneuvering out of the shower at last. Elena made a few movements of protest before relaxing herself into his chest. He could feel hot tears soaking into his already sopping shirt and glanced down at the back of Elena's head in sadness.

Life had been so cruel to her in the short eighteen years she lived. He wished so desperately that the past week had never occurred. He would give anything to turn the clocks backward, would have ripped her from her seat at the bottom of the river and let Matt Donovan die there. He wouldn't have given a second thought to how she would hate him for letting yet another friend die. He would have been damned if he let her die.

But as fate would have it, he was over a hundred miles away fighting a friend turned crazy vampire slayer for his dear life while she drowned to death like the self-sacrificing martyr she was. And now as a result, Elena Gilbert was stuck living for eternity as something she never wanted to be while her dim wit of a jock ex-boyfriend lay in a hospital bed recovering as a human. Sure he had survivor's remorse, but no matter what Matt's feelings about the outcome were, as soon as he was discharged from the hospital, Damon was going to make the quarterback's life a living hell for as long as the human drew breath.

Just the thought of Matt Donovan made his blood boil to impossible levels. Damon's lips hardened as he shook the prospects of mentally tormenting Donovan out of his mind. Right now he needed to focus on Elena.

Setting Elena gently onto his bed, he began to rummage through a grand armoire in search of dry clothing for the both of them. Illness was impossible to contract, but comfort was a high priority. He grabbed two soft tee shirts, a pair of pajama bottoms for her and unused basketball shorts for him with the tags still attached.

Damon returned to Elena as she gingerly picked herself off of the large bed while wiping away all traces of tears. He cleared his throat to alert her of his presence.

"I uh…I didn't want to soak your bed through…" Elena trailed off while ducking her head and avoiding his gaze. The air had grown unbearably uncomfortable with awkwardness.

He shrugged and shook his head, "Don't worry about it," he quipped, holding out dry clothes for her to take, "Here…go get changed into something dry."

Elena looked at him in surprise. "I—I have stuff here…I'll, uh, just go up to Stefan's room and change…" She quickly exited from Damon's room and left him standing there frozen with his arm outstretched.

Damon could have kicked himself for being so stupid. _Of course_ she has her own stuff here. She's been living in Stefan's room for the past week. He sighed in annoyance and scowled. So much for helping her out. The girl had practically high tailed it out of there as soon as she regained her senses. _Idiot! _He threw the dry clothes haphazardly into the armoire and shut the doors.

Roughly removing his shirt, Damon mulled in the embarrassment the last hour provided. He hated that he and Elena were so awkward and angry with each other now. What Damon wanted was the lilting banter and relentless teasing that had become so routine with them. Well that was obviously gone. They were to be stuck in some sort of awkward limbo between friendship and dislike for, well, eternity.

After kicking his wet clothes out of the way, he flopped onto the dry side of his bed and took in the silence. At first it was comforting, but then he remembered that Elena was nearby and was being remarkably quiet for even a vampire. Damon focused on the emptiness for a moment before deciding to check up on the chestnut haired vampire.

He padded as quietly as he could to Stefan's attic room so far from his and pushed open the door slowly. The breath of relief he didn't know he was holding was released upon viewing Elena sitting at the edge of his younger brother's bed in a loose shirt and pajama shorts with her hands absently fiddling with a velvet pillow on her lap. She was obviously lost in thought and Damon decided that she looked most vulnerable at that time. Her dark eyes were trained on the cluttered desk, though it was apparent that she saw right through it. She was still dwelling on Jeremy, he could see it in her face. The way her brows were drawn together, how her lips formed a melancholy frown to the hunched position of her shoulders that pointed to the immense weight of guilt she was experiencing. The tears had stopped sure enough, but the cause of those tears would not so easily dissipate.

"He'll forgive you, you know." Damon stood at the door, his arms crossed as he watched her intently.

Elena released her breath and blinked slowly. "He shouldn't have to forgive me. That's just the thing, isn't it? He shouldn't be placed in that sort of position." She tossed the pillow onto the ground and ran her fingers agitatedly through her hair. "This wasn't how our lives were supposed to turn out…"

"I just wanted to see Jeremy so badly, Damon. I wanted to show him that life could go on like it had before. As though I wasn't some sort of nightmare come to life. I wanted to prove that to myself too, I guess. But look at what happened," her face transformed into a disgusted grimace as she observed her hands, "I did just the opposite."

"I thought I was in control, but I wasn't." The grimace melted off her face and was replaced by that heartbreaking defeat as her voice broke.

His baritone voice was filled with surprising remorse and understanding when he next spoke. "Sometimes, our desires are so powerful that they cloud over reality…" Damon began, "We get in over our heads and become overwhelmed at the worst possible moments."

Damon stepped further into the room, "You just weren't ready, that's it. I won't tell you I told you so because that isn't what you need to hear right now," he shrugged nonchalantly, "But you will be. I'll help you adjust; I'll show you the ropes. If you'll have me, of course." A small and hopeful smile quirked his lips up.

Honestly, he had no idea where the inspirational power speech came from. He had certainly surprised himself just as much as he had surprised Elena. Her mouth was frozen in a small oh and her eyes had rounded to a saucer-like size.

Damon had to fight the smirk from taking place of the sheepish smile on his face. It was always such a victory whenever he made Elena speechless. Instead, he carefully regarded her face as he waited for her response. When it was apparent that none was to be had, he continued.

"I realize that you don't want to do things my way, Elena, but it's the only way you'll be able to take control of the blood lust. Trust me on this. If you let me help you, I can teach you what you need to know in order to live as normally as you can as the living dead." He grimaced at the almost pleading note in his tone of voice. How embarrassing. He was basically begging her now. What was happening to him?

He was quickly brought back to focus as her dark eyes bore into his.

Elena regarded him carefully for a long moment before finally assenting. "Okay."

His brain froze momentarily. "Okay?" Damon stupidly parroted back.

Brown eyes narrowed in annoyance as she crosses her arms. "I want you to help me, what more do you want to hear?"

A simply yes would be better, he thought. The last objective Damon had was a bit of a stretch, but he decided to throw it in the open anyway.

"Road trip. Tomorrow. You and me. Say yes and that'll be it for the evening." He gave a mock half bow.

Elena's eyes rolled. "Alright," she conceded.

He opened his mouth before shutting it once again and shrugged instead. Guess his job was finished…

They silently watched each other for a long moment, the air seemingly filled with a current that both chose to ignore. Time seemed to slow and Damon was struck with the urge to close the distance between them and feel her soft skin beneath the palms of his hands. He needed to leave before he became a dumbass and ruined the delicate relationship they shared all over again.

Damon slowly turned to exit. Elena's quiet voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Why are you being so nice? After everything I've done to you? I don't understand."

He felt his heart give a painful twist for a short second.

His dark hair covered his eyes as he bowed his head. "You know why," he responded just as softly and then left the room.

Elena's sigh reached his ears just after he shut the door and began the decent down the stairs.

There would be no sleeping tonight.

These next few days were going to be a great big ball of stress. Road trip? Elena? Blood fest?

That just didn't seem natural to him.

Damon collapsed onto bed and groaned.

What the hell did he just get himself into?

* * *

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**Therefore, you should review! Hoped you all enjoyed it!**


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